Chapter One

It was another bad day, it was Monday morning and my alarm clock was blaring. I vaguely remember hitting my alarm clock and hearing it hit the floor. I sighed as I threw the covers off my head; the light was shining through the blinds and blinding me. I cursed at the offending light and wished I could wither and die under my soft warm blankets. My Mother though, knowing how I was came in my room, and pulled the covers off of me. I grumbled in protest but she smacked my leg and shouted up. I stumbled from my bed, still zombie like, I went to my closet and pulled out some clothes, threw them on my bed then went to the bathroom. I lit one of the candles on the toilet and switched the light off. I got in the shower and let the warm water cascade down my body I was contemplating whether I should take care of my hardon when my Mother announced I was running late.

I got out of the shower, knowing if I was late to my homeroom class I'd be serving a Saturday detention, and let's face it when your Mother is the principle there's no slacking off. She always made an example of me, like 'he's my son and I did this to him, don't test me.' then there was the teasing factor, it died in ninth grade but still... Mother square by Principle = not good! I never went with her to school, I rather be caught with a hardon in PE before being caught in the principles car! That was just a way to be deemed a teachers pet, and I didn't need that. I had a reputation to uphold, plus it would only give the jocks one more reason to rag on me, and that wasn't good. I wasn't smart, I'd yell back, and I wasn't afraid to swing. My Mother also knew this, she had suspended me a couple of times for getting in fights with the Jocks.

Let me explain since ninth grade the Goths, and Jocks had been enemies. We are considered a bunch of fags, which is only half true, sure theres maybe 3 gay kids who are Goth so what. They always think they're better than we are, they can go suck on a donkey dick for all I care, they're jerks and I won't allow them to walk on friends or me. At least that's what I thought, but on this day I'd be getting into a situation where everything would change. But beside the point, today was basically like any other day. I wished I were in my bed sleeping, or in a small hole dying. Either one of those options are better than high school. Sure I only had one year left after this year, which would make me a junior. I heard my friend outside honking his horn. I finished lacing up my boots and went outside. When I got to his car I noticed a new person. "Hey Jimmy, what's up?" I said looking at the new person in the car.

"Not much, this is my cousin Peter, he'll be moving into the Johnson's house. Him and his 'rents are moving here from upstate New York, near Elmira."

"Hi Peter nice to meet you." I said as nice as I could, I always try to be nice to new people, but I think most of the time I come off sounding cocky and mean. I can't help it I'm anti-social, I just can't relate with "normal" people and I'm far from "normal" he didn't seem to care as he smiled and said hi.

"Didn't your Mom ban rock shirts?" Jimmy asked.

"Yea, so?"

"You push her buttons too much, no wonder you get detentions so often."

"Huh, how can you get detention for making your Mom pissed?"

Ah... I see Jimmy forgot to mention a few details. "My Mother is the principle of the High School, which means she punishes me worse than everyone else. She'd tell most kids to turn their shirt inside out instead she'll give me an after school detention if she sees me wearing it. I don't care though, as long as I make it to work on time." He seemed to absorb this information and went back to looking out the back window. When we got to school, I ran to my first class, I wasn't going to be late dammit!

I sat down right when the tardy bell rang and sighed for making it just in time, Dean also known as, Mr. Judas, is my homeroom teacher, who teaches Math, he also comes over once a week to eat dinner then him and my Mother go out. It sicks me out, the last person I need for a stepfather is my Math teacher, and can you say 'twisted'? I felt a chill run down my spine when he pushed his glasses down and stared at me unapprovingly. I didn't care, I wasn't here to make him happy, I pulled out my notepad for Math and did the assignment on the board. I was done about half an hour into the class, and so I took out my sketchpad and drew a girl. I have an obsession with drawing hot looking chics with lots of weapons and leather. I'm gay, yet I draw girls, go figure ehh?

Dean walked up next to me and reached for my sketched pad, I pulled it quickly out of his reach and showed him my work. He looked it over and told me to redo 15. I checked it and saw my error; I fixed it and put it in my backpack. It wasn't long before the bell rang and I was making my way to shop, we were actually going to make something I could use. We were making cedar boxes, it would do well for my pot, and it would hide the smell better and be easily hidden. Jimmy was in this class with me, and we usually worked at the same table. We talked too much like usual and got yelled at. Mr. Chadwick isn't one to play with, he'd send you to the office for looking at him the wrong way. We shut up and went back to sawing our pieces. Once they were sawed we glued them together then stapled them. The hinges and lids were to be done at home for homework. I grabbed my stuff and threw it in my bag the class bell rang and I practically ran from the room.

I suddenly realized I never went to the bathroom this morning and my bladder was feeling it! I went into the bathroom and one of my most hated enemies was also there, Brad Nicholson. I hated him, he was the quarterback for the football team. He grunted at me in a foul protest, and called me a fag. In return I grabbed myself and pretended to adjust myself, he glared at me then left quickly. I did my business washed my hands, and made my way to science.

It was Mrs. Tingle who I loved, but would soon hate. We had to have partners for this project and she had to team me up with Brad, yup the guy I just saw, my enemy, the one person on earth I could truly say I hated with all my might! We needed to do a project about another country. She picked him to pick the country out of her stupid fishbowl. We ended up getting Brazil, we had a week to make a 25-page report on Brazil, the main flowers, the population, all of the stupid information you could possibly gather. Come on in ten years why in the hell am I going to need to know how many people live in Brazil?! I grumbled, when Brad sat next to me, he looked at me and had the same look on his face. I protested after class, I even said I'd do the report myself if it came to that, Mrs. Tingle looked at Brad and I.

"I know you two dislike each other, it's the main reason I paired you two up! This is a way you two can work together, maybe get to know each other, for one full week you two will work on this together. Oh and Mr. Nicholson, you know you need at least a B on this report to pass my class and stay on the team, I suggest you two work hard on this! Mr. Finn, don't think your gonna get revenge, because if he doesn't get a B on this I know it will be because you didn't put in enough of an effort, seeming your a straight A student!" I mumbled, she had us both by the balls, and the fact that her and my Mother always had a bingo night with some of the other teachers I knew I couldn't be a dick and let the stupid one do it all by himself...

"Fine!" I said as I formed an image in my head of me leaping at Mrs. Tingle like a tiger and ripping her to pieces for putting me in this situation! Grrrr!

Brad looked at me then asked me when he could come over. God help me, I don't want to go to prison, don't let me kill him... please! "Is five ok?" I said trying to be nice, I failed miserably, I could hear the venom in my words.

"I was thinking more around six, I have football practice until 5:10."

"Fine... bye!" I said walking off to lunch as quickly as I could. Damn her to hell! How could she do this to me? Why!? Dammit all to hell! I thought as I walked to the parking lot. I met Jimmy his cousin and Amber by his car. "You are never going to believe what Mrs. Tingle did to me!"

"Let me guess, she hooked you up with a Jock?"

"How the hell did you know?"

"She did it to us as well! I think she is doing it to anyone that's goth and jock and in the same class."

"The stupid bitch, she hooked my ass up with Clive! I might as well slit my wrist and hope for a better suffering!" Amber said as she flipped her long hair from her face. "Clive has been drooling over me since sixth grade! Well up until about 7th, until I kicked him in the nuts I'm stuck too, if I want to pass her class I need a C on this report, 50% of our grade, what is that bullshit about anyway? I think it's just to trap us into it!" She growled in protest then went on, "Baby, what the hell am I going to do with some stupid jock at my house or me at his? When he comes over tomorrow you better be there Jimmy or I'll kick your ass, and be sure to be hanging all over me, he doesn't need any ideas about me being attracted to him!"

"Sexy if he looks at you in the wrong way you know I'll be all over his ass, no one checks out you without hell to pay." I stuck my finger in my mouth and made a gagging noise when they kissed.

"Steve shut up, you know you want me even if you are gay!" Amber said, and smiled.

"You wish Hun, I only like dick."

"Del Taco?" Jimmy said.

"Sounds good." I said, Amber agreed.

"What's Del taco?" Peter asked.

"What!?" Jimmy said.

"You've never been to Del Taco?" Amber asked.

"Nope, is it good?"

"Fuck yea." I said.

"Cool, I'm game." I stared at him a little weird, only Jock's said that phrase...

The others noticed as well and didn't say anything. We all pilled into the car I shared the back seat with Peter, we talked while Jimmy and Amber talked in the front seat. I was asking him how his day went when we pulled into the parking lot and saw Brad's truck full of his team members. Dammit! What else is going to go wrong!? They saw us and some cussed at us. I didn't care I was hungry, and a couple of tacos sounded even more good to my stomach! I walked by them, and felt their eyes on me, I didn't care. They're a bunch of jackasses plus fighting here would attract the police and no one needed that.

We piled inside and got our orders. It wasn't long before my number was called, Brad's was also called at the same time, and his lunch wasn't very different than mine, I decided I hated tacos... My ex was behind the counter, we were still good friends. We weren't really ever boyfriends anyway, it was more like fuck buddies. Still it was sometimes awkward around each other. I'd always remember having sex with him when I saw him and personally, I always liked it. I still wanted him and I swear he still wanted me, but he decided he was straight so that only left room for a friend. I went back to our table and sat next to Amber and Peter. She smiled like always and whispered in my ear.

"At least you got one of the cuter Jocks for a partner, you do know he's been watching you right?"

I coughed on my soda, and felt my eyes bulge. I choked out "WHAT?" I got a lot of looks, she just started laughing. I couldn't help myself, I looked at Brad and noticed he was hot but eww no! Dammit I cannot and will not allow myself to think of him that way - no! It's just wrong eww she said he was looking at me!

"It's true, I so swear babe!" she leaned in closer. "He looked you over when you were at the counter... I swear it looked like he was checking you out."

"Mein Gottes! Nein! No! No! Yuck sick twisted wrong, no!" She laughed really hard, I hated it when I got overly hyper, or when I got mad, I'd go in-between English and German. Jimmy got back in time to hear my statement.

"What was that for?"

"Ask your girlfriend..." he looked at her, she leaned in and he started laughing.

"Fuck you both." I said in my defense.

"The scary part is I can see it." He laughed harder. I ate my Tacos fast and threw the garbage away I went outside I needed a cigarette before school started again. I took long deep drags off of my cigarette and fumed a little. The clan of Jocks came out and walked past me, some stared others taunted. I made sure my face stayed void of any expressions. It wasn't long after that the rest of the group came out and we headed to school. The rest of the day was boring like usual I didn't learn anything that would help me like they said it would. I knew better than that, who uses history later on in life? Sure it can be interesting to learn about but how many people are going to ask you when Clinton was elected? He was such a cool president, damn Bush! PE was my last class, and I enjoyed it, I could build up muscles for an hour and get an A for working out. Too easy if you ask me, but I liked the six pack that was getting more and more defined! When it came time to shower I wasn't very willing, what can I say, guys are yummy and even more so naked! It's hard controlling your dick when your 17 and cold water doesn't work for me. It's not like I was a closet case, everyone knows I'm gay. Since I was caught with my tongue down Daniels throat in ninth grade. Still though, getting a boner in the showers wouldn't be good, it would cause way too much grief.

I made it through with no surprises, which isn't easy but oh well. I walked home instead today, it was a two-mile walk but I didn't care. When I got home it was 4:30. I put "Mechanical Animals" in the CD player and turned it to "User Friendly" From "Marilyn Manson" I pulled out my homework and did it. I laid back kicked off my shoes and let the tunes enter my head, it was now on 'Coma White' My Mother called to tell me that she wouldn't be home until 8, she told me to cook the Asian Stirfry. I didn't argue as I liked it, and it was fast to make. I hooked my playstation up and put in Tekken. I played a few rounds then went to go make dinner.

I prepared the beef, cut it into thin strips then cooked them, I put the beef in the strainer, added the oil to the wok (A pan that looks like a bowl) put the veggies in after the pan was warmed up. The doorbell rang, it was 5:49, I went to the door, and there stood, Brad... great he's early! I had him follow me to the kitchen. I threw the beef into the mixture of veggies and stirred it. He sat at the table, and didn't say anything. I was happy for that, but I felt his eyes on my back and it bugged me, I didn't like being watched.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Like stir-fry?"

"If it's food, I'll eat it."

"Good." I said stirring it again. "I'll be right back, will you stir this while I change the music?"

"Fine."

I left the kitchen, this felt way too weird, he was being "nice" and I wasn't being a total dick, what was wrong with this picture? I put in Slipknot and went back into the kitchen, Brad was stirring the food.

"Thanks..." I said and snatched the utensil from him. He went back to the table and I felt his eyes again. Dammit! The food was almost done, I opened the sesame-seed sauce and poured it onto the food. I grabbed out two bowls and two forks, set then on the counter next to the stove then covered the wok with it's lid. I grabbed out two cans of Pepsi and gave one to Brad. I served up the food, put it on a cool burner then grabbed his bowl gave it to him and sat across from him, I didn't want to sit next to him, that was crossing my bounds of comfort.

"Do you have internet access?"

"Yes." I said in-between bites of food.

He got silent and so did I, there was nothing to talk about, I didn't like sports, I didn't like pop music, and I didn't care for main brand clothes. I stared at my food, and decided I wasn't hungry, I ate anyway. I looked away from my food and at Brad, and saw he was treating his food the same way.

"Ok let's skip the niceness and get to the point, we're stuck with doing this report together, we both would have rather been paired up with someone else. SO now that we're past that, I have no idea of what you like or anything else, so I have no idea what to talk about."

"Same here."

"Lets fix that problem and tomorrow we can act like we've never seen each other before for all I care. I like Metal, mosh pits, witchcraft, guys, writing, and drawing."

"Metal is good, mosh pits are fun... I like football obviously."

"Ok." I said and stood up. I wasn't hungry, I put my food away, and sat back down. He finished and I had him follow me to my room. I booted up my pc and grabbed the foldable chair out of my closet. I opened my window then sat down at the desk. He looked around my room, it must have been strange for him. My Mother knows I'm gay, and I don't hide the fact I like guys, as my walls are plastered with posters of half naked guys. He looked at them, as if he was uncomfortable, but his eyes lingered a little too long. No that had to be my imagination and the twisted thoughts of Amber plaguing my mind. He didn't say any fag comments, which surprised me.

He sat next to me and I went to google. We spent the next half-hour printing pictures and information. It had been during that time Brad had gotten uncomfortably too close. I didn't even realize it, but his chair was practically touching mine... I didn't say anything. I was probably just hallucinating, I wrote down all of the URL's of where I got information and put it in a folder. I was done for today, I didn't like this situation.

"How about we call it a day?"

"You sure?" He said getting closer yet. I shook my head and got out of my chair, and walked to my door. He stood up but didn't leave the computer area, he sat back down on the chair and faced me. He looked me up and down, I knew he was checking me out, it thrilled me but also made me quiver in disgust. I'm supposed to hate him, not think he's hot dammit! He stared at me, and I stared back.

"Mrs. Tingle did say she wanted us to get to know each other," He smiled. "I know you want me."

My head spun, where the hell did that come from? Oh my fucking Gods' Amber was right!

"Uh, What!?"

"You heard me, what better way is there of getting to know each other? What do you say, wanna suck my dick?" My jaw fell, I felt it fall. I did want him, he was hot! But that would be so wrong, he's my enemy, enemies don't fuck! Then again, no one would ever know, he wouldn't tell anyone that's for sure. I sure in the hell wouldn't. No, bad idea...

"No, I don't like you, I only play with people I like." He pulled his shirt off What the .... fuck? He stood and undid his belt and button. "Do you not understand the words that came from my mouth? I said no."

"I'll return the favor, hell we could do it at the same time, what do you say?" What do I say? Is this happening? Or is this some wet dream gone all wrong? What- "The fuck." I said right before his lips were pushed against mine. I felt his tongue at my lips, I started to kiss back but then pushed him back. "What the fuck?" My head was spinning, everything that was reality just went out the window! Where's the camera what fucked up show am I on?

"I like you, and I think you might find me sexually appealing too. If you do why not just let go and go with the flow?"

What the hell is going on? Should I do it? No of coarse not, but then again... fucking harmones!! This is wrong, or is it, maybe I could use this to my advantage. "What if I say yes? What in the hell could I possibly gain from this, I've hated you since fifth grade at least! You always tormented me why should I go and give you a blowjob?"

"I acted like I hated you, I hated you even more when I found out you were gay. I wanted you, and instead you wanted that fucking nerd! So maybe we can just have some fun, it doesn't have to change anything at school."

"What? Why didn't you just say so, especially after I was found out?"

"I'm the quarterback! Do you think the Coach is gonna favor a faggot, or that my teammates would, you can't be that dumb. Anyone who hangs out with you is labeled a fag, I can't have that."

"I don't play with closet cases."

"Don't lie, everyone knows about you and David. Ever since the party at Scott's, did you two actually think no one would put the pieces together? He was practically drooling over you in Del Taco, you sure have a thing for nerds."

"Nerds are cool, unlike superficial jocks! I think you need to leave now, we can work on our project when my Mother is home." He didn't even look phased, instead he got closer. I felt his breath on my face, I knew what was coming next and I stood there.

He was persistent, I'd give him that much. His arm wrapped around my waist and he pushed his body up against mine I wanted to push back but this was too weird. His hand found it's way down my pants, my eyes opened wide I couldn't believe this, it was so impossible so improbable! I didn't stop him as I felt his hand find my hardening member, I would follow his example and just go with it.

It was on my bed, and him unzipping my pants, the weirdest thing happened. Amber stuck her head through my window, I jumped a mile in the air, Brad didn't seem to understand why, but then he leaped away from me and started shouting.

"How dare you come onto me, you faggot!?"

Ok... how the fuck do I respond to this? I was lost to say the least, and my mind hadn't caught up yet, or maybe it was malfunctioning? I looked in-between Amber and Brad. Amber had a huge grin on her face, Brad stared at me with what looked like disgust, I didn't hear him complaining when he grabbed my dick, the dick. "Uhm... Hi Amber." I said still replaying what happened in my mind, what the fuck was that all about? Could someone smack me awake now?

"I'll leave you two boys alone." She smiled, giggled and left.

"You need to leave now." I said against my will.

"Bye." He said, he wasn't even dressed when he left my room. I sat on my bed, my head was spinning.

It was awhile before my Mother got home, Dean was with her, I smirked at him and shut my door, I threw off my shirt and it landed near the foot of my bed, I fell back onto the mattress and let the thoughts mingle in my head. I was now horny thanks to Brad and the worst part is I hated him. It's confusing to be attracted to one of your enemies, and I was. I wonder if Amber was going to blabber this to Jimmy. It was around 10 when I heard the living room TV turn on, and I heard Dean and my Mom talking.

"We can't do that, Steve would know the reason behind it."

"Charlene, he isn't stupid, he probably already suspects it."

"I don't know, you staying the night is... risky."

"Will you two keep it quiet, people are trying to sleep! Oh and if you wanna fuck him don't let me stop you." I said, I heard her gasp. I loved being a smart-ass, it had it's downs at times though. My mouth had gotten me into trouble A LOT.

"Steven Joseph Finn! You watch that mouth boy!"

I laughed, and turned on some Manson. It would eat at her nerves a bit more, what can I say I love pushing her buttons! It wasn't long before I was wrapped up in watching Akira I loved that movie it was one of my favorites, next would come Ghost In The Shell, it was also another great Anime movie. My phone had a different idea as it rang near the end when he could no longer control his power, I mumbled as I paused the dvd and picked up my phone. The surprise was who was on the other end. Brad's voice filled my ears.

"Is Steve there?"

"What do you want?"

"Can we talk ... in person?"

"Why?"

"I think I need to explain my actions." Dammit! Now I have to go because I'm way too curious, and maybe I won't freeze up again... Get a grip he's a dick! "Fine... meet me at the corner of Los Palmaritas."

"Cool, see you in about ten then."

I hung up and grumbled to myself, what am I doing, why am I doing this. Oh I know because I'm a slave to my harmones! I fumed to myself as I pulled on my boots and laced them up. I put on my chain wallet and my satanic like rings. I loved skulls and horns way too much... I walked into the living room and felt like puking. Dean was on top of my Mom making out with her, what a sick and wrong sight to see. I'll go insane before my Math teacher becomes my potential step-father. I grumbled to myself again and walked out the front door. My Mom gasped at not knowing I was there, I closed the door before she could tell me it was past my curfew. I quickly walked away from my house towards the corner by Jimmy's house. No doubt I could probably find him in his backyard swimming and smoking a fat joint. I was tempted but didn't go to his house. His dog noticed me and whined, I told it to shut up and it did, the last thing I needed was jimmy to see me talking to Brad...

Brad pulled up in his truck, and he wasn't alone. I didn't like this he said nothing about one of his friends coming along, and I thought this chat could be done in my comfort zone. The truck pulled up to me, Brad lowered his window, it was Nick in the passenger seat.

"Hop in."

"You didn't mention there would be company."

"I'm dropping him off at home."

"Drop him off then come back, I'll wait here, I have to be home by 12 or my mom will make me commit hara-kiri!"

"Hara-what?" Nick said. I must have looked at him as if he were an idiot, ok I'll explain this to his small, small brain.

"Suicide by disemboweling yourself." I think I used small enough words as he nodded his head, as if in awe. I felt like hitting my forehead and saying duh. "Oh yea, so you should hurry if we're going to talk as it's already 10:33."

His face wrinkled up "Fine, but don't leave I'll be back!"

I rolled my eyes, "Oh yea I'm gonna hang out with my friend, I'll leave his house at 11, but I'm leaving by 11:50." He frowned at me and drove off.

I was happy I was in some stage of control, I walked a crossed the street and went into the backyard, I was right, Jimmy was in the shallow end of his pool smoking, he splashed me some then handed the joint to me. I ended up stripping to my boxers and got in as well, his heated pool is awesome. The stupid alarm went off on my phone and I told Jimmy I'd see him tomorrow. I went the street sign where Brad was waiting. I got in, happy no one else was there.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Sorry about earlier, I just don't know how to express myself to you, so I tried hating you."

And I thought daytime television was pathetic... I shook my head and made some kind of noise. His words went in one ear and out the other, I caught a little bit here and there, so if he asked something I might know what he wanted as an answer.

"So what I'm saying is, I like you."

That sentence broke through and bounced through my head, he didn't just say what he did, right? "What?!"

"I like you!"

I smacked my head and said "Wake up!" Hoping this was some fucked codeine dream, it had to be. Reality didn't do this to me, it couldn't dammit.

"You are awake." He stared at me and looked very serious, what do I do now? He liked me, what the fuck did that mean exactly? Did he just want to be fuck buddies, friends, boyfriends?

"What do you want? Get to the full point."

"I want to have sex with you, I've never really been with a guy, I've always wanted to though, with you."

I coughed on the water I was drinking, "I don't think that's a good idea at all."

"I do, I could keep my friends away from your friends you could do the same, and all you'd need to do is experiment with me."

"I get my own conditions then."

"What are they?"

"No anal, my ass is limited!"

"I could deal with that."

"Fine, I need to go now." I said, looking at my watch, it was only 11:17.

"You said you have until 11:50, we could... find a place."

"I'm not a slut, I'm not gonna get your rocks off without knowing a little about you!"

"Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Come over after school to work on the project." I said getting out of his truck. I started walking home, his truck started up.

"What time?" He asked out his open passenger window.

"Got practice?"

"Nope."

"I usually get home by 4:30, make it before seven or you'll get to see the teachers bingo night..."

He looked at me weird and said ok, he drove off and I walked the rest of the way home. My Mother and Dean were nowhere to be seen, I walked to my bedroom and noticed my Mothers door was closed, gross I was right. I went into my room, put on some music, set my alarm clock, then drifted off to sleep. I was having a weird dream, there was a loud beeping. Wait, that's my alarm clock... it can't be 6 already!

Yep that's my alarm, dammit, I need more sleep! I mumbled like usual, and bitched to myself for having to go to school so damned early. Once again I threw my alarm clock to the floor and listened as the annoying beeping died. My alarm clock seemed to be indestructible, every morning I'd knock it off onto the wood floor, it would shut it off and yet it always worked the next day. It's not like I needed one anyway, my Mother always made sure I was up. I heard laughing coming somewhere from within the house, it was a male voice, not my Mother's... if he's still here I'll be taking Amber's advice with hoping for a better suffering...

Sadly I was right and he was still here, I'd be damned if my name became Steven Judas! Then again, having the last name Judas could be cool, but hell no! A teacher and principle for parents come on they're killing me here, can you see it? Oh no she's giving him that look of affection, so wrong... I walked steadily from the disgusting display in the kitchen and took my shower, the hell with watching that. Once I was done in the bathroom I wrapped a towel around me and walked a crossed the hall to my bedroom. Dean walked out of my Mother's room, he was wearing one of my Dad's old clothes. I had a flash back you could say, I never liked my Dad, not after what he had done to me, us my whole life. I was 14 before she separated from him and was close to 16 when he died. It was a blessing you could say, he was no longer there, he couldn't hurt me. And yet in his last few months I ended up liking him, yet I resented him. Emotions suck, it's plain and simple, and I didn't like him in his old clothes. It wasn't like he spit in my face or anything, it's just demented...

He seemed to notice my stare and asked if there was something wrong. I shook my head no and fled to my sanctuary, someone kill me, please... what the hell is going on with everyone, well ok, I always figured they'd finally get moving in a new direction but not this fast... Brad... now that's a whole new story I haven't even began to grasp we hate each other yet there is an attraction I hate to say it dammit! Amber seemed like the best bet I'd have to get her to skip PE with me. She's the guru for our group, she's always knows what to do well, most of the time anyway. I threw on my clothes, I selected a dark blue long sleeved shirt made out of fishnet like material, and long black shorts. I didn't wear shorts often, and I wore my fishnet shirt even less. But I decided I liked the shorts as they showed off my awesome boots and the fishnet, what can I say I have a little queen running around inside of me!

"You don't plan on going to school like that?" My Mother asked.

"Duh!"

"I thought gay men had a taste for style..."

"Psh! Don't go there girl!" I said in my best lisp. She gave me her warning glare, and I shut up. "Can I use Dad's old car today?"

"Why?"

"I feel like driving, you said if I kept my grade level at an A to B average I could use the car, I have kept my part of the deal it's your turn to keep your half. Plus I need to go to work tonight. Shit!"

"Steven Joseph Finn for the last time boy watch that mouth or it'll be filled with soap!"

"You'd have to hold me down and I doubt you could do that, now can I have the keys or not?"

"Fine, but I swear if you start fucking up again and lose the A's and B's you'll never use the car again! Understand? Since I found that bag of Marijuana and pills you had, you have very little trust don't screw up again!" She said as she handed me the keys, only if she knew... I hadn't changed one bit all I did was applied myself a fraction more to pull my grades up from D's the homework and class work bored me, what was the point of going to school if you already know the material.

I grinned to myself, and got into my Dad's old pickup truck. He left it to my Mother and she gave it to me, she thought she could control me with it, and to a degree she can, but not very much. I quickly got it started and onto the street, the ride to school was boring but music helped pass the time.

In the school parking lot I saw Jimmy and the rest of the gang getting out of his car. I parked a few spaces down from his car. Amber saw me first and waved. A huge grin covered her face... Oh Gods' she's never gonna let me live this down. I thought as I walked over to them.

"Hey there, how is working with Brad going hun?" Her eyes held a sparkle of mischief.

"...um ok I guess... Did Clive drool all over you or did he behave?" I said taunting her back.

"That's cold hun, even for you."

"Maybe, seriously though, ditch PE with me. I really, really need to talk to you."

"Ok, I guess I can, I still have 5 unused absences."

"Ugh I only have 3 you suck."

"Thats what you get for always getting sent to sweeps." Amber reminded me.

"I know I know."

"Hi there Steven." Peter said. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was totally checking me out. "Interesting shirt." He added.

"Isn't it? I felt a little flambouyant this morning."

"When aren't you flaming?" Jimmy said with a evil smile.

"Oh but you know you like it big boy!" I said batting my eye lashes at him. He bursted out laughing.

"Your right, I do. Makes you unique."

"Just like your cute butt does for you." Amber said looking at Jimmy.

"Well I don't know about you all, but I'm craving a Choclate chip muffin from the cafeteria...all warm and gooey mmm." I said basically drooling.

"Already got the munchies?"

"I wish, Since my Mom found my stash I've been too afraid to smoke in the house. Military school in Iowa doesn't sound fun to me, then again all those horney guys... nah! I'd probably get beaten to death by the drill seargeant for back talking too much."

"Would she really?" Peter said.

"Yeah, she would." Jimmy said for me.

"Yea she would." I agreed for effect.

"Well how about we hit up the football field beforehand, so we can have the munchies." Jimmy said with a dopey grin.

"Sounds good to me, how bout you Amber?"

"Of coarse."

After getting stoned behind the bleachers we all headed to the cafeteria. That's where I saw him. Amber poked me in the ribs to make sure I saw him eyeing me from acrossed the room.

"How cute! You two are so gonna fuck, you traitor, but hey can't blame you he's hot." Amber said.

"Grr. Dammit why does life have to be so damn complicated?"

"Because God likes watching us squirm like worms."

"Probably the sadistic ass."

I grabbed my breakfast and walked out into the cold morning air. Amber was behind me, "so what are we ditching for, I have a feeling it deals with what I walked in on yesterday."

"You'd be right." I said taking a bite out of my muffin. "Shit I still need to tell him I forgot about work."

"Call in sick. You so need to get laid."

"Come on... you so suck right now. I don't need it that bad."

"Yes you do." Jimmy chimed in.

"What does he need?" Peter asked.

"To get laid by the head jock, Brad."

Peter's jaw dropped."What?"

"What?" Jimmy asked.

"Well, isn't sex wrong until marriage? And isn't ... well you know... 'gay' sex a sin?"

"We're all sinners, we all lie, cheat, and steal in some way. And well I don't find killing a goat or lamb or whatever and burnning it on an alter to be anyway of attoning for my sins. It's not a sin to me, I like dick, and not pussy, it's normal for me." I said.

"Well, I guess your somewhat right..." He said looking confused.

"Don't think on it too much, you won't need to, I'll grow on ya."

"I have to agree with the silly little faggot, he does grow on you, but silly boy dicks are for chics." Amber said while sticking her tongue out in my direction.

"Love you too, my lovely fag hag."

"I despise that. I am no hag."

"Whatever same difference."

"So you calling in sick lover boy or are you gonna pass up hot jock action?"

"Do you even need to ask? I despise him, hate him, want to see him in a corner crying even..."

Amber smiled as if she knew something I didn't, whatever! He is just so... argh! His stupid Macho dumbness doesn't work on me... damn his abs felt so yummy though! Oh...my...god! He's in my mind. "Time for a change a subject." I said miserably.

"Hun I see the cogs working, but I agree I'm hungry." She said sitting at one of the tables.

We all followed suit and as my wish was granted we started talking about what homework we needed to exchange. It was one of our daily rituals, copy, pass, copy. We all did one subject that we shared, Amber got history, Jimmy got math, and I was stuck with literature which didn't bother me. Peter watched us, his goody-goodiness amazed me. It was like watching a child learn death or something. At the same time his manners were cute in the fact he was so innocent.

It was about a minute before the bell rang that Amber nudged me and covertly pointed at Brad sitting at a table behind me. "How long has he been there?"

"For a couple minutes, so nows your chance to tell him it won't work today." Her smiled seemed almost evil, as if she knew my inner thoughts, which knowing her she did.

"Naw, I'll tell him in class. Hopefully it'll make it so he can't consentrate."

"Sure hun, keep telling yourself that." then the bell rang and she flashed her all knowing smile again. "Traitor." I growled my protest and walked to first period.

It would seem his disease plagued me, since I heard very little of what Mr. Judas was saying. He caught me off guard with a question as well, which I stumbled my way through, barely. He gave me that look, as if he were a father figure, guess again. Just cause he's sleeping with my Mom doesn't give him that authority. The bell rang while thoughts of Brad lingered in my brain. It plagued me through shop with Jimmy, then it was time to see him. Do I tell him or not? It ran through my head, Do I play sick or go to work? It seemed to zoom by my thought process at every second of the clock hand. A constant ticking in my head. I walked in to the class and sat at our new seating arrangment as said on the chalk board. I grumbled as I saw him sitting there. That cocky smile on his face that I so despised...

"Whats up, lab partner." He said the cockiness and self-confidence in his voice nearly suffocating me, while oddly invoking feelings in me that I was going to shred to pieces then burn and stomp and scorch before they infected the rest of my logical brain.

"I..." can go to work some other time... wait! ..just say shut up. "Not me, maybe you should re-adjust yourself?" I said with an equal amount of cockiness. Which inspired a grin from him.

Mrs. Tingle stood up and started talking. "Good your all in your new seats. I'd like to go around the room and hear your current ideas for your projects. Please stand when I call your names and tell us what you have planned. Charles & Donna why don't you two start off."

As they blabbered their plans I found myself looking Brad over. I couldn't stop myself it was as if some creature invaded my body and took control. I grumbled inside while enjoying his looks. He caught me at one point and just grinned. A stupid huge one that screamed it, I know what your thinking and at the same time I knew he was thinking it too.

Get a hold of yourself man! Fuck this is not happening not with Brad Nicholson!! Amber was right God does like watching us squirm. Arghh he's looking agaqin, and theres that damn feeling. Stop it harmones!

"You look deep in thought there, partner." He said with a huge grin, I'm sure enjoying watching me squirm with my inner battle.

"Fuck off, once this project is done I'll be happy if I never see your face again!"

He just chuckled as if he knew that my harmones were trying to take over. "We'll see... yes we will."