Chapter One:
Accepting The Truth

Josh had been starring at the wall for hours. He had tried to shut down his mind but could not release the thoughts. The thoughts soon became very intense more intense from what they were. He needed the release of the tensions building within him and there was only one way he could. He needed to face the reality of the situation, but the though of it drew him close to tears. He knew deep down what he was what he needed what he craved but he was ashamed of the feelings, the feelings of lust were now like a butterfly flapping around in his stomach. In his stomach, the butterflies had grown to a flock of crows and ravens. Painful as it was he knew the truth and had to act on it, act on it now, before it was too late. He then stood off his bed, which seemed to confine him to the lie he wanted to force-feed himself, he knew what had to be done and he reached the door. He walked down the hallway to the living room.

"Mom I'm going out for awhile I'll be back around 10:30. I'll get something to eat before coming home, ok?"

"Yes, but no later than 10:30! Do you hear me?"

"Yes mom, I'll make sure I get home by then, sorry about last time."

"You better be sorry because this time you'll get grounded!"

"OK! I get it! Jeez!" Josh said as he slipped out the door.

A few blocks away Rob was sitting in his room too. He was thinking about things that he had never thought about before. He was confused he hated what he was thinking what was happening to him. He had tried hiding the truth, but the truth slowly ate at him. The lie he was living was becoming unbearable. All he could think is 'why me, why am I the fucking faggot?'. As he lay there on his bed watching the ceiling fan spin he kept thinking what he wanted but he kept denying himself the full truth he didn't want to accept it. What would his friends think, especially his best friend Josh? How would he react knowing that a fag was in love with him, his best friend on top of that. He decided he needed to quit moping around and get his homework done. If he didn't finish his English homework his 7 period teacher, Mrs. Tingle was going to give him a detention. He grabbed the materials needed and then started writing his book report. As he sighed he bitched to himself about having to write a book report on his weekend. About 15 minutes into writing he heard a knock at his door.

"Mom, Dad, I got it." He yelled from his room. He then walked downstairs to the door. He opened to see Josh standing there. "Jeez! What are you doing out in this weather! Dummy its even haling out!"

"Yea, sadly I know!" Josh said. "So are you gonna let me in?"

"Oh, yea, sorry. Come on lets go up to my room."

"Honey who is here?" Mrs. James asked.

"Its Josh mom, we're gonna hang out for awhile."

"Ok, will you be staying the night josh?" She called from the kitchen.

"I'll Have to call my mom to ask but that would be nice."

"Ok hun, you know where the phone is."

After Josh got done calling his mom and getting permission he went to Rob's room. When he walked in Rob was on his bed with Marilyn Manson on the stereo. He then went and sat down on the desk chair next to his bed. He looked at Rob seriously then declared he had something to say.

"Hey.. man I got to tell you something. If you hate me after I tell you, I'll understand..."

"What could possibly make me hate you?" Rob said.

"Well... I'm... you know a... a fag."

Rob sat straight up with a shocked look on his face. He stared at Josh for about a minute. Josh then said he understood and started walking to the door. Right before he turned the knob Rob ran over and grabbed his hand. "No don't go... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He said calmly. "But I have to know, are you serious? I don't care but I need to know the truth."

"Yea..." Josh said miserably.

"Why did you tell me?"

"Because... you're my best friend and, and..."

"And what?"

"I'm sorry I can't say it..."

"Yes you can."

"I... I like you, you know, more than a friend." Josh said feeling his eyes starting to get watery.

"Ok." He said calmly. He then grabbed Josh and pulled him into a hug. Josh by this point was so confused he just stood there dumbfounded. Then the tears started coming, he was happy he wasn't rejected but he didn't know how to act to this, they hadn't hugged each other since they were like 9. Then Rob's mom knocked at the door. They both jumped Josh rubbed the tears from his face and rob said come in.

"Hey you two I've just finished making some fudge, come down and get some with Dave and I." She said then she looked over at Josh and saw that he'd been crying. "Why, what's wrong Josh?"

"Nothing!" He said a bit too quickly.

"Well, ok if you say so. You two didn't get into a fight did you?"

"No mom. We were wrestling and Josh hit his head on the chair."

"Ok, Josh are you ok?"

"Yea. It just stung a little is all."

"Ok then, let's go! Before Dave eats all the fudge!" She said as she smiled.

*****

After munching down their fudge Rob and Josh went back up to his room. Where it was Rob's turn to fill in Josh on what his true feelings were. After they both told each other they hugged and talked about how long each of them had felt the way they did. They both agreed that they shouldn't tell anyone. Out of nowhere Rob leaned over and kissed Josh. Josh just sat there not knowing what to do but then it clicked. He started kissing back. They didn't even notice when Mr. & Mrs. James came in to tell them good night.

"Josh! Rob! What in hell are you two doing!?"

"Oh shit!" Rob said startled. Josh stared, shocked speechless.

"Oh shit is right boy!" Dave said furiously.

"Dad... I'm sorry, but it's how I feel."

"Well it's wrong! You are not gonna be another one of those fucking fags prancing around at one of those gay pride extravaganzas! I will not have it! Not now, not ever!" When that was said Jane out of nowhere slapped Dave's face twice.

"You shall never use those fucking words in my house! Yes that's right Dave, my house, my mother left it to me when she died, not you! If you ever, and I mean ever use those disgusting words towards our son ever again I'll divorce your ass, do you hear me!?" At that Josh, Rob, and Dave's jaws all fell. Not one of them had ever really heard Rob's mom say more than shit or ass and she used more than that and with a force none of them had seen before.

"Yeah keep on doing it! Baby him some more why don't you? Make him into a pussy even more!"

SLAP! "What did I hear you say!?" Jane said more ferociously than she had before. "Leave! Go to a fucking hotel for the night until you realize how much of an asshole you are being! Don't come back if you don't plan on saying sorry!"

"Fine!" He said, and with that he went and got a pair of clothes and his shoes then left.

"Sorry boys... we'll talk later." Jane said going into her room.

Both boys just sat there and stared at each other as if they were aliens. Then looked at Rob's parents door when it closed.

"I'm sorry Rob." Josh said sheepishly.

"Don't be it's not your fault and personally I liked what we did!"

Both boys sat in silence.

*****

About an hour later Jane quietly walked out of her room and into Rob's. She sat down by Rob and motioned Josh to sit next to her. So he stood up and walked slowly towards her, not knowing what to expect. After knowing her since he was 7 he'd never seen her like this. He was afraid but calm. Sure he had seen Dave and Jane fight but not like this, and not because he and Rob started it.

"Ok boys. I've always wondered about you two so it isn't too much of a shock for me. Secondly I'd like to apologize for how Dave and I reacted. It wasn't right of us, and I don't want either one of you to feel as if it's your fault, it's not. Your dad is paranoid, before we were married I told him about me and the fact is, I'm bisexual. He probably thinks that some how I infected you two. So anyway my point is, I know neither of you chose to be gay, like I didn't choose to be bi or like how your father didn't decide to be straight. It just happens, I know. Now I'm alright with this, but I'll say this much. You are not old enough to have sex, but lets face it, I wasn't any virgin at 16 either." She said while lighting up a cigarette. "So tell me the truth... have you two gotten sexual about this?"

"No!" They both said in unison.

"Ok, so how long has this been going on?"

"Just tonight." Rob said.

"Ah ha I see now, that's why you were crying josh and why you both looked awkward."

"Well then, I know I am probably not going to be able to get you boys not to have sex. So I'll say this, it will not be here, you will were condoms, and you will read up on it first! Understand?"

"Yes Mrs. James"

"Yes Mom."

"Good. So we have the rules down, secondly I will not walk in anymore without knocking. I am not gonna say you can't kiss because that would be stupid, But I ask you don't do it in front of Dave, I don't mind really, but Dave will, we both were looking forward to grandchildren, but we still have Carol for that."

"Mom! Please don't tell her she's a Senior we are only sophomores she'll kick our asses then tell her friends."

"I'm not telling anyone, that's your business no one else's. Josh if you ever want to face this with your parents I'm here to help you ok?"

"Yes, Mrs. James."

"Josh one more thing. It's Jane... I feel so old when people call me that."

"Ok Mrs... I mean Jane."

"Good boy." She said and smiled. "Well I'm going to bed, good night boys. And remember the rules!"

"Ok" They both said.

After she left the room the boys looked at each other and sighed with relief. They then closed the door striped down to their boxers and went to bed. Josh woke up that night when he heard Jane's door open. He heard talking, so he knew Dave was back. In a few minutes he heard more yelling like before. This woke up Rob as well. They both looked at each other with miserable faces. They both decided on sneaking out. After they got dressed they went out the window then went into the old tree fort they had made with the help of Dave. They lit the candles that were in there and then Rob went back in, got the extension cord and brought the stereo with him.

"Whatcha wanna listen to?" Rob said while yawning.

"How 'bout Otep?"

"Ok." He said as he pulled the cd out of the cd holder and put it in. They turned it down to a whisper noise to not disturb the neighbors. Rob grabbed the hidden pack of cigarettes and they both smoked one. "Remember how we used to camp out up in here?" Rob said.

"Yea, some of the best times we had were in this old fort. Haha remember when Shelly and her friend Agatha tried to come up that one day and we dumped dish water on them? Then they ran away screaming and saying we were brats?"

"Ha! Do I ever. I never thought I saw Shelly so mad before! Back then she didn't even need PMS as a bitch pass."

"Hehe I think it's even more precious because Agatha came back and pleaded her undying love to you."

"I have a question. You know how we used to take my dads old porn mags and look at them?"

"Yea, what about them?"

"Well my question is, did you look at the girls or the guys when we jacked off?"

With that Josh blushed, "The guys. I never did like the girls I mean ew! They have two holes and they look absolutely disgusting!"

"I couldn't agree more with that. Matt said he liked it, he said he ate out Shelly... when he told me that I thought I was gonna puke and what's worse is he said he liked the smell the most! I mean ew!!"

"Haha! I guess it all depends on what you like."

"Yea I guess so."

"So... do you think your mom would consider this 'out of the house'?"

"Hmm I dunno my dad is home, if we did anything and got caught he'd kill us both on the spot."

"Do you forget, this ole fort has a door." Josh said as he pulled it shut.

"I want to... but it's doesn't feel right yet. Maybe just kissing, after all he already saw that and mom said we could."

"Fine with me! Even though we were caught it was the best kiss I have ever had!"

Rob giggled a little. "Me too." He said leaning in. He then pulled Josh over to him. They then started groping and kissing furiously. Until they heard Jane call them to come in. They both sighed with frustration, but obeyed. They climbed out of the tree fort Josh with the cds Rob with the stereo.

"What were you boys doing out there!?" Dave said menacingly.

"Just getting away from your yelling and listening to music." Rob said daringly.

"Boy don't you get smart-ass on me!"

"I was just telling the truth!"

"That's--"

"Enough Dave! You're just being ignorant! Leave them alone." Jane said pushing him out the door. "Good night boys."

Once again they got ready for bed, but this time enjoyed a few kisses first.